Dear love of my life,
First of all, i hope you are doing great wherever you are. It has taken me a while to put this letter together and send it off to you so, bare with me if some of the things i say upset you.
So, i have been looking for you for twenty seven years and it's still not clear exactly where you are. I mean, i have been searching since i was 18? All i have had was little glimpses of you that always made me hope only for that hope to be crushed. Like that time when i thought i found you. Only it wasn't you was it? You tricked me into thinking that the guy who was always parked outside my house waiting for me was you. Yeah, i bet you remember him! The one who used to write me a bunch of letters when i was in boarding school and send me pizza and money by courier all the time. You really had me fooled that time because, you got even my mother believing that it was really you. Only it wasn't. It turned out you were doing the dirty with one of my friends behind my back and it was really a good day when i found the two of you together!!
Oh oh.. what about that time when you tried to change me into something i wasn't and i let you do it because i believed you had changed your ways and i really wanted your mother to like me? Yeah, that didn't go down well did it? Because, you never supported me when i was going through all the problems that came with me trying to please you and your mother and in the end, it turned out you were not even worth it because you had no backbone you mama's boy!! (rolls eyes).
OK, fine. so, you showed your face again and it was actually very pleasant for a while because everyone liked you and you were very desirable so, i was happy. I thought that this time, it was the real thing. I must admit, i was unfair to you because, i met that other guy who was clearly not you and run off with him for a while but, i came back to you!! We were all lovey dovey and almost married because your mum was crazy about me and all that but, i just moved away for a bit and you were doing the skankiest girl we both knew! (how could you?) You see how many times you tried to mess with my head? It was so unfair.
Yes!! what about that time when you showed up again in that African shop? I was so set against even looking at you but, you tried and tried and tried and i actually decided to give you a chance. Remember when we used to ride the bus all the way from west to south just to get Chinese cos we were both so Young and broke but we didn't mind? You were at your most considerate then but, alas, that did not last did it? We were going strong when you bought your bicycle, i couldn't ride it with you but, you always made me feel so loved and protected and looked after. When you had your first major job, you used to buy me things i never even asked for and i loved that about you. I even gave you your own ring tone on my phone and we used to send each other silly texts and pictures all the time.
Then, i got my big job and suddenly, you changed. Other men started noticing me and you didn't like it. You started getting clingy and wouldn't even let me breathe. I didn't do any thing to hurt you but you started getting out of hand and when you bought your car, it got worse. You cheated on me with that white girl and i got pissed of and did you the same but, you still wouldn't leave. It was like you were a different person. You used to call me at odd hours just to make sure i was home. I had to run far away from you and change my number because you scared the shit outta me!!
You showed up again when i least expected it. You were so handsome this time around with your bad boy persona, i never stood a chance. I fell so hard and fast for you. I was doing stuff for you that i had no business doing because you made my lady bits tingle and even though you had a kid and a crazy baby mama, i didn't mind at all. I remember when we found our flat and how much fun we had decorating it and playing house. You used to make nice dinners for me and rub my feet when i was tired. I loved to show you off to my friends and when you used to surprise me by coming to my work place just to take me to lunch, i was always so happy and proud when everyone said i had the perfect man. But you changed. You started getting so demanding that i didn't know what to do. I tried to cope and it was OK for a while. But, you just kept on pushing and pushing and when i couldn't take it anymore and asked you to go, you went and stole so much from me in the process. I had to move away and change my number because of things you did.
So... i finally found you again. After a long break and convincing myself that i didn't need you anymore. This time though, it was so real. I was so optimistic that you will not be the same. You made me feel safe and happy because i believed you when you said you will always be honest with me. Everyone thought it was a match made in heaven because we both had qualities that the other wanted. There was so much drama surrounding us but, we didn't mind (or i didn't mind) Because you did. You believed lies others told you because you had your own agenda. It was unbelievable how much i was willing to give up for you because, you told me it was meant to be. How could that be possible when you already belonged to someone else though? You were never truly mine to keep but i kept on. I chased after shadows for so long it was destroying me right in front of every one's eyes but, you didn't care. Funny thing is, of all the times you made an appearance, this was the one time i gave myself up completely because it felt right and natural to do so. You were the first one to make me cry and i still do sometimes when i think about all the humiliation and pain that i went through at you hands and when you finally told me you felt the same for me, i found it really hard to believe because, you never showed it. It is just words that were said. There never was any action to support this.
So we have come full cycle and am still waiting for you. How much longer do you want me to wait though? Did i find you just in time to have to let you go again? Will you keep doing this to me till i can't take it no more? One thing is for certain though, i am no longer waiting for you. i have spent almost ten years in search of you and i am tired. When you are ready to stop playing games, am sure you'll know where to find me.
Your long suffering Juliet.
Monday 27 December 2010
Friday 24 December 2010
CLUELESS RUMBLINGS OF THE GIRLY KIND: WHAT DO YOU DESERVE?
CLUELESS RUMBLINGS OF THE GIRLY KIND: WHAT DO YOU DESERVE?: "We all think we deserve better in life. We want the finest things. We want to live in a nice house, drive nice cars, eat in the best of rest..."
WHAT DO YOU DESERVE?
We all think we deserve better in life. We want the finest things. We want to live in a nice house, drive nice cars, eat in the best of restaurants, have the best of friends and so on. It's no different when it comes to relationships. We want to be with the best person, who does everything to make us happy. Someone who will never hurt us intentionally and love us no matter what right? Do you think you deserve something like that though? Are you doing all you should to ensure you get that tailor made relationship you dream of?
Sometimes, people end up in relationships that they really shouldn't be in. The worse thing about it is that the stay. For the sake of what, i don't know. All i know is that, if you think its not for you, you shouldn't be there because, you being there is your way of saying it's what you deserve.
Take the woman who is so 'in love' with her man that she decides to over look all his flaws in order to make it work. I mean, that is all well and good but, at what cost though?Would you deliberately make yourself unhappy for the sake of making something work? How are you going to make something that makes you unhappy work? Won't you be even more unhappy if it works that way? Is that what you deserve? My my! Too many questions huh?
If you are in a situation where you feel like you have lost yourself completely and have no way of going back, then you have accepted that you deserve the scraps that you are getting. Don't get m,e wrong, every relationship has it's problems but, there are problems and there are PROBLEMS. I have meet and interacted with people that are so clearly unhappy but don't want to leave because 'it's hard to find a good man these days'!!! errrr... if you were with a good man, you would be happy surely! I say to them, they deserve what they are getting because, they are not doing anything to change a bad situation. Yes it's true that a good man is hard to find these days and yes it's true that letting go of something can be next to impossible sometimes but, what about what is awaiting in your future? The only way you can find out is if you tell yourself that you deserve better and act on it.
Sometimes, people end up in relationships that they really shouldn't be in. The worse thing about it is that the stay. For the sake of what, i don't know. All i know is that, if you think its not for you, you shouldn't be there because, you being there is your way of saying it's what you deserve.
Take the woman who is so 'in love' with her man that she decides to over look all his flaws in order to make it work. I mean, that is all well and good but, at what cost though?Would you deliberately make yourself unhappy for the sake of making something work? How are you going to make something that makes you unhappy work? Won't you be even more unhappy if it works that way? Is that what you deserve? My my! Too many questions huh?
If you are in a situation where you feel like you have lost yourself completely and have no way of going back, then you have accepted that you deserve the scraps that you are getting. Don't get m,e wrong, every relationship has it's problems but, there are problems and there are PROBLEMS. I have meet and interacted with people that are so clearly unhappy but don't want to leave because 'it's hard to find a good man these days'!!! errrr... if you were with a good man, you would be happy surely! I say to them, they deserve what they are getting because, they are not doing anything to change a bad situation. Yes it's true that a good man is hard to find these days and yes it's true that letting go of something can be next to impossible sometimes but, what about what is awaiting in your future? The only way you can find out is if you tell yourself that you deserve better and act on it.
Tuesday 21 December 2010
WHAT IS YOUR EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY?
Let's face it, sometimes, people go through so many things relationships wise that it gets to a point where they can't really be bothered to try anymore. They have been there, done that, seen it, heard it so its nothing new. Some may come across as heartless because, as much as they may like you, they just don't have It in them to show you how they really feel anymore. There is always something holding them back. Something that is always at the back of their minds because of the past.
Would you really waste your time on someone like that though? Do you think that they might change if you continue to show them love and care? Would you think that the person is emotionally unavailable and just move on? Consider a scenario where you have been with someone for a few months and they suddenly get up and tell you that, they are sorry but they don't know how to show emotion? How would that make you feel knowing that you have invested some time and effort into whatever it is that you had?
I personally would probably not be angry or upset because, i am probably as emotionally as unavailable as the next person
The other scenario i would like to consider is when you have the same state of mind as the person you are with but, you try your best to treat them as fairly as possible but get nothing in return? Worse still what if said person tells you that they cannot get too serious with you because someone broke their heart 5 years ago? I mean, most people i know including me have been broken hearted a time or two in our lives but, it goes without saying that we all need somebody at some point in time right?
The thing is, it gets to a point in time when people just simply stop trying. People don't see the point in impressing others because they have got the mind set that they will be broken hearted anyway? Would you really bother if you felt that way? Would you do the whole 100 texts a day and God knows how long on the phone every night you are not with the person you're dating? I really find it difficult to even be impressed by anyone nowadays but, this ain't about me right now!
Consider this though, people can be in love with others and not be with them. they may be with someone else but, do you think someone who is already in love with another person will ever be emotionally available to you? Personally, i don't think that is possible because you see, no matter how much they may like you, they are in fact, already emotionally involved. It is not cheating by any means, but, they will never be that all important connection that makes a relationship a good one. And let's face it, you can never be that person that they love. If you are lucky, they may grow to love you in a way, but it will never be like before and the connection will never be on the same level. Take the couple who fight a lot even though they have been together for maybe a month or so. If they are both emotionally unavailable, that will not stop because, they are just not right for each other. I used to believe that a man has to be as messed up as i am to be able to keep up with me but, come to think of it, that will be a step backwards right? (this is so not about you miss writer!)
How would you handle someone who is emotionally unavailable? Would you stay and hope that they connect with you someday? Would you leave thinking that there is better for you out there or would you just be as unavailable as they are?
Would you really waste your time on someone like that though? Do you think that they might change if you continue to show them love and care? Would you think that the person is emotionally unavailable and just move on? Consider a scenario where you have been with someone for a few months and they suddenly get up and tell you that, they are sorry but they don't know how to show emotion? How would that make you feel knowing that you have invested some time and effort into whatever it is that you had?
I personally would probably not be angry or upset because, i am probably as emotionally as unavailable as the next person
The other scenario i would like to consider is when you have the same state of mind as the person you are with but, you try your best to treat them as fairly as possible but get nothing in return? Worse still what if said person tells you that they cannot get too serious with you because someone broke their heart 5 years ago? I mean, most people i know including me have been broken hearted a time or two in our lives but, it goes without saying that we all need somebody at some point in time right?
The thing is, it gets to a point in time when people just simply stop trying. People don't see the point in impressing others because they have got the mind set that they will be broken hearted anyway? Would you really bother if you felt that way? Would you do the whole 100 texts a day and God knows how long on the phone every night you are not with the person you're dating? I really find it difficult to even be impressed by anyone nowadays but, this ain't about me right now!
Consider this though, people can be in love with others and not be with them. they may be with someone else but, do you think someone who is already in love with another person will ever be emotionally available to you? Personally, i don't think that is possible because you see, no matter how much they may like you, they are in fact, already emotionally involved. It is not cheating by any means, but, they will never be that all important connection that makes a relationship a good one. And let's face it, you can never be that person that they love. If you are lucky, they may grow to love you in a way, but it will never be like before and the connection will never be on the same level. Take the couple who fight a lot even though they have been together for maybe a month or so. If they are both emotionally unavailable, that will not stop because, they are just not right for each other. I used to believe that a man has to be as messed up as i am to be able to keep up with me but, come to think of it, that will be a step backwards right? (this is so not about you miss writer!)
How would you handle someone who is emotionally unavailable? Would you stay and hope that they connect with you someday? Would you leave thinking that there is better for you out there or would you just be as unavailable as they are?
Monday 13 December 2010
ARE WE MADE FOR A SPECIFIC PERSON??
Sometimes, we meet someone and they change our lives completely. Whether it's good or bad, we are altered. You never see things the same and no matter what happens, you can't get rid of that person because, your life just won't make sense without them. It could be the absolute worse person or the best person but, that won't stop us feeling a certain way about them.
It feels like your lives are connected in so many ways that, they are always going to be around and it's just right when you're together. (I know this is a long intro but, its necessary!) The question though is, are we made for a specific person? That no matter what, it'll come back to them? I know most people believe in fate and true love and the whole whats yours always come back and blah blah.
If we are made each for a specific person, then how will we even know when it's the right person? (Ha! Now, this is where my opinion comes in obviously!) There are some people that no matter what happens,we can't get over. They make your heart race every time and yessss.... You get the all important butterflies whenever they are around. That's not how you know though. I suppose its how well you fit together. We don't tell everyone we date everything about us but, we don't feel the least bit uncomfortable telling them our worse secrets. Letting them see the best and worse bits of us because it is just who were are and the scary thing is, no one gets scared. (not really)
Don't get me wrong though, it will not always be smooth sailing and even though some people are lucky enough to have it early, others have a hard time finding that person or not finding them at all. I suppose i get why some people have of and on relationships. Not to say they are always with the right one. Some people are just masochistic like that!!.
i think though that, once you meet that person you were made for, nothing will even matter to you anymore. It don't matter how many times you date others, you will never truly belong to anyone else. even if doesn't work out for you.. because its not always gonna work out. (life is twisted like that) You will never quite feel right until you are with that someone because, they were made for u just as surely as u were made for them.What do i know though right?
Like i said about the butterfly effect, i want that person that was made especially for me.
It feels like your lives are connected in so many ways that, they are always going to be around and it's just right when you're together. (I know this is a long intro but, its necessary!) The question though is, are we made for a specific person? That no matter what, it'll come back to them? I know most people believe in fate and true love and the whole whats yours always come back and blah blah.
If we are made each for a specific person, then how will we even know when it's the right person? (Ha! Now, this is where my opinion comes in obviously!) There are some people that no matter what happens,we can't get over. They make your heart race every time and yessss.... You get the all important butterflies whenever they are around. That's not how you know though. I suppose its how well you fit together. We don't tell everyone we date everything about us but, we don't feel the least bit uncomfortable telling them our worse secrets. Letting them see the best and worse bits of us because it is just who were are and the scary thing is, no one gets scared. (not really)
Don't get me wrong though, it will not always be smooth sailing and even though some people are lucky enough to have it early, others have a hard time finding that person or not finding them at all. I suppose i get why some people have of and on relationships. Not to say they are always with the right one. Some people are just masochistic like that!!.
i think though that, once you meet that person you were made for, nothing will even matter to you anymore. It don't matter how many times you date others, you will never truly belong to anyone else. even if doesn't work out for you.. because its not always gonna work out. (life is twisted like that) You will never quite feel right until you are with that someone because, they were made for u just as surely as u were made for them.What do i know though right?
Like i said about the butterfly effect, i want that person that was made especially for me.
Tuesday 9 November 2010
WHAT DOES LOVE FEEL LIKE?
Most of us will confess to having fallen in love at least once in this life. We all have different meanings to what love is and often times, we make the mistake of confusing lust for love. What i really want to talk about though is, how does love feel like?
I could probably ask a dozen people and get different answers to this question because people believe that is happens differently for everyone but, i am sure that there are similarities in there somewhere that makes the whole love concept believable right?
Lets take for example what happens when we meet someone we are attracted to. You get the whole sweaty palms thing. Heats starts to spread through your body and you feel suddenly hot. your pupils become dilated and you just feel an invincible pull towards that person. Most often, the person you are feeling this attraction to will have similar symptoms to you and then when your eyes meet, you hear the whole violin and slow motion thingy! (yeah right!). That is one theory.
What about the bit where you get that electricity shock thing going when the person you feel this pull toward touches you? and you get those goosebumps that make you shiver even though its not cold and you are in fact feeling very warm? Or the burn that starts in your stomach and works its way down to your other parts and you get the feeling that only that one person can soothe?
These are all legitimate chemical reactions that we have when we meet someone that appeals to us in a certain way that has nothing to do with friendship. But, can we honestly say that is what love feels like? It surely is more than a chemical reaction and after much research on this subject, (believe me, i have done a lot of research thanks to google and some men I'd sooner forget about)! i have come to the conclusion that, it has more to it than just chemistry.
Love feels like you are bound to a person. As in, you cannot function properly if they are not around you. You have to have some amount of contact with the other person at all times if you are together. Like holding hands for example. Most people these days do that to mark their territory but, the truth is, when you have that intense connection with someone, not being able to touch them will feel painful. (for reals!). That person has got some sort of power over you but the best thing about it is, you have that same amount of power over them as well and you will literally put their needs before yours. Whatever makes them happy is what you will do. Even if it will hurt you in the end. You think about them all the time and when they touch you or kiss you, you get butterflies in your stomach. You go around acting like you are on cloud nine or some high grade weed because, it just rocks like that.
I believe that, there is only one person like that for everyone and once you have experience it, your life will be completely altered and nothing can ever compare. Even if it does not work out for the two of you, you will never have that intense feeling about someone else. That's probably why they say there is someone for everyone and not there is some people for everyone. And, if you truly love someone and they break your heart, it physically hurts! (scientific fact)!!
because life is most times unfair, you don't get theses feelings that have been described above returned all the time but, if you do and it's lost, what ever you go in for again will be second best. My advise to myself is simple really, i am waiting for the butterflies and goosebumps because, i haven't felt them yet.
I could probably ask a dozen people and get different answers to this question because people believe that is happens differently for everyone but, i am sure that there are similarities in there somewhere that makes the whole love concept believable right?
Lets take for example what happens when we meet someone we are attracted to. You get the whole sweaty palms thing. Heats starts to spread through your body and you feel suddenly hot. your pupils become dilated and you just feel an invincible pull towards that person. Most often, the person you are feeling this attraction to will have similar symptoms to you and then when your eyes meet, you hear the whole violin and slow motion thingy! (yeah right!). That is one theory.
What about the bit where you get that electricity shock thing going when the person you feel this pull toward touches you? and you get those goosebumps that make you shiver even though its not cold and you are in fact feeling very warm? Or the burn that starts in your stomach and works its way down to your other parts and you get the feeling that only that one person can soothe?
These are all legitimate chemical reactions that we have when we meet someone that appeals to us in a certain way that has nothing to do with friendship. But, can we honestly say that is what love feels like? It surely is more than a chemical reaction and after much research on this subject, (believe me, i have done a lot of research thanks to google and some men I'd sooner forget about)! i have come to the conclusion that, it has more to it than just chemistry.
Love feels like you are bound to a person. As in, you cannot function properly if they are not around you. You have to have some amount of contact with the other person at all times if you are together. Like holding hands for example. Most people these days do that to mark their territory but, the truth is, when you have that intense connection with someone, not being able to touch them will feel painful. (for reals!). That person has got some sort of power over you but the best thing about it is, you have that same amount of power over them as well and you will literally put their needs before yours. Whatever makes them happy is what you will do. Even if it will hurt you in the end. You think about them all the time and when they touch you or kiss you, you get butterflies in your stomach. You go around acting like you are on cloud nine or some high grade weed because, it just rocks like that.
I believe that, there is only one person like that for everyone and once you have experience it, your life will be completely altered and nothing can ever compare. Even if it does not work out for the two of you, you will never have that intense feeling about someone else. That's probably why they say there is someone for everyone and not there is some people for everyone. And, if you truly love someone and they break your heart, it physically hurts! (scientific fact)!!
because life is most times unfair, you don't get theses feelings that have been described above returned all the time but, if you do and it's lost, what ever you go in for again will be second best. My advise to myself is simple really, i am waiting for the butterflies and goosebumps because, i haven't felt them yet.
Monday 11 October 2010
HOW SOON IS TOO SOON??
Most often than not, we all set time lines for things to happen. Some call it good planning and others call it being well organised. When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, be it serious or casual, we tend to have a time frame in mind that guide us on how we should progress.
I have been thinking about this lately and have begun to question some deep rooted ideas that i have had and therefore decided to just put it out there for you beautiful people!.
How soon is too soon? how long do you have to talk to a person before you give them your phone number? How long do you have to wait to call or text someone for the first time? How long do you have to wait to meet someone after talking to them on the phone? How long do you have to wait before you share your first kiss? How long do you have to wait to tell someone you like them? How long until you have sex with someone and the biggest question, how long do you have to wait to tell someone you love them? ( i know it goes on and on and on and on but, hey! this is me you are talking to!)
Society detects certain things for us. Rules that we have to live by and traditions we have to follow because, they are supposed to be for our own good. If i meet a guy that i like and we hit it off, am i really gone wait for him to call me first? I think that, as a woman, i like to be chased so,, yeah, that is one rule that i Will not leave unbroken. People like to feel wanted and that is a man's way of showing a girl that he wants to get to know her (or get in her pants!) What i wish i knew was if men had rules regarding these things as well. Like how long they have to wait till they call someone. Once a man has initiated the first contact, i am allowed to return the favour as often as he does. When he asks me out for the first time, I'll be all up for that and if he wants to initiate the first kiss on the first date, depending on how badly i have wanted to kiss the guy, i won't mind really. I f the man likes me enough to tell me so and i have the same feelings towards him, i will tell him. It is a chance you are taking after all!. That leaves us with the top two biggies of all time. the S word and the L word.
Let's start with 'sex'. Should you really wait for a while before you sleep with someone you have every intention of sleeping with anyway, just because, we think they'll respect us more? Most women definitely think so. I on the other hand, have got no opinion whatsoever on this particular issue.(don't judge me yet!) As far as i am concerned, men can be devious creatures. If a man wants to just sleep with you and move on, he can be patient about it. He can play the game with you till you are 'ready'. Once my man gets what he wants, he will be out of there like hell itself was on his heels. On the other hand, you can sleep with someone on the first date and they will stay with you anyway because, they genuinely like you and want to be with you. The time frame you put on a sexual act will not really determine if you are gonna have a successful relationship or not. (my opinion, totally). Having said that, male friends of mine tell me sex is a weapon that a woman can use on a guy who really likes her because, let's face it, we all like to have power in a relationship. (women with the power of not giving it up and men with the power of how soon they can make you give it up!) That is where you have to be careful though. Admittedly, a man will appreciate a woman who made him beg a little or proved to be a challenge but, that does not guarantee that he will treat you right just because he waited 3 months or so for the sex. Hence, my reason for staying in neutral grounds when it comes to this particular topic.
The next big once is the Love word. Should a girl tell a guy she loves him first? Should a guy tell a girl he loves her first? How long do they have to be seeing each other before they say it to each other? That is the real scary one right? I have been reading a lot in regards to how love really works if its real and how it should be. What you never find out though is, how soon to tell someone you love them. I mean, you'd think that all those relationship advisers will have a definite answer on that but unfortunately, they don't. If you know you love someone for real, there is no guarantee that they will feel the same for you so, whatever you decide, it will be a risk anyway. You can choose to keep the feelings to yourself and never find out what the other person feels for you or you can chance it and see how it turns out. It is and will always be shrouded in uncertainty. That is love for you. But, there is no such thing as the right time to tell someone you love them because, if its planned, it does not come across as genuine.....
I have been thinking about this lately and have begun to question some deep rooted ideas that i have had and therefore decided to just put it out there for you beautiful people!.
How soon is too soon? how long do you have to talk to a person before you give them your phone number? How long do you have to wait to call or text someone for the first time? How long do you have to wait to meet someone after talking to them on the phone? How long do you have to wait before you share your first kiss? How long do you have to wait to tell someone you like them? How long until you have sex with someone and the biggest question, how long do you have to wait to tell someone you love them? ( i know it goes on and on and on and on but, hey! this is me you are talking to!)
Society detects certain things for us. Rules that we have to live by and traditions we have to follow because, they are supposed to be for our own good. If i meet a guy that i like and we hit it off, am i really gone wait for him to call me first? I think that, as a woman, i like to be chased so,, yeah, that is one rule that i Will not leave unbroken. People like to feel wanted and that is a man's way of showing a girl that he wants to get to know her (or get in her pants!) What i wish i knew was if men had rules regarding these things as well. Like how long they have to wait till they call someone. Once a man has initiated the first contact, i am allowed to return the favour as often as he does. When he asks me out for the first time, I'll be all up for that and if he wants to initiate the first kiss on the first date, depending on how badly i have wanted to kiss the guy, i won't mind really. I f the man likes me enough to tell me so and i have the same feelings towards him, i will tell him. It is a chance you are taking after all!. That leaves us with the top two biggies of all time. the S word and the L word.
Let's start with 'sex'. Should you really wait for a while before you sleep with someone you have every intention of sleeping with anyway, just because, we think they'll respect us more? Most women definitely think so. I on the other hand, have got no opinion whatsoever on this particular issue.(don't judge me yet!) As far as i am concerned, men can be devious creatures. If a man wants to just sleep with you and move on, he can be patient about it. He can play the game with you till you are 'ready'. Once my man gets what he wants, he will be out of there like hell itself was on his heels. On the other hand, you can sleep with someone on the first date and they will stay with you anyway because, they genuinely like you and want to be with you. The time frame you put on a sexual act will not really determine if you are gonna have a successful relationship or not. (my opinion, totally). Having said that, male friends of mine tell me sex is a weapon that a woman can use on a guy who really likes her because, let's face it, we all like to have power in a relationship. (women with the power of not giving it up and men with the power of how soon they can make you give it up!) That is where you have to be careful though. Admittedly, a man will appreciate a woman who made him beg a little or proved to be a challenge but, that does not guarantee that he will treat you right just because he waited 3 months or so for the sex. Hence, my reason for staying in neutral grounds when it comes to this particular topic.
The next big once is the Love word. Should a girl tell a guy she loves him first? Should a guy tell a girl he loves her first? How long do they have to be seeing each other before they say it to each other? That is the real scary one right? I have been reading a lot in regards to how love really works if its real and how it should be. What you never find out though is, how soon to tell someone you love them. I mean, you'd think that all those relationship advisers will have a definite answer on that but unfortunately, they don't. If you know you love someone for real, there is no guarantee that they will feel the same for you so, whatever you decide, it will be a risk anyway. You can choose to keep the feelings to yourself and never find out what the other person feels for you or you can chance it and see how it turns out. It is and will always be shrouded in uncertainty. That is love for you. But, there is no such thing as the right time to tell someone you love them because, if its planned, it does not come across as genuine.....
Saturday 11 September 2010
THINGS I LOVE IN LIFE: CHEATING: ACCIDENTAL OR PREMEDITATED???
THINGS I LOVE IN LIFE: CHEATING: ACCIDENTAL OR PREMEDITATED???: "Cheating. It is something that most people have indulged in on one or more occasions. right from the time when we gave our number to someone..."
CHEATING: ACCIDENTAL OR PREMEDITATED???
Cheating. It is something that most people have indulged in on one or more occasions. right from the time when we gave our number to someone else even though we weren't single to the time when we waited for our partner to go to work so we could sneak out and meet someone else.
What do you really consider as cheating though? Is it the sexual act, the thought or the flirting? i for one consider all of this as cheating. I mean, if my boyfriend had a text from some girl who is telling him that she had a nice time at the club, am jumping to conclusions. maybe, he didn't do anything other than just buy her a drink but, why did he giver her his number? there must have been something there right? (my opinion). If am out with someone and some next girl is making goo goo eyes at him and he looks like he is enjoying it and smiling in her direction and looks like he is encouraging it, well then alarm bells are gonna start ringing!! If there is evidence that the guy am with actually got it on with some other chick, then definitely, i am thinking he has cheated on me!!
Honestly though, there are degrees of cheating right? and there is also always someone to blame right? and we can always forgive someone for cheating on us depending on what really happened right? (erm, really?) i have two scenarios and a paragraph about blame!
How about this. I went out to a club and got mad drunk. met this cute guy who started dancing with me and he was drunk as well. we decided to take our 'conversation' somewhere more private. in doing this, we go to the back of the club or even the toilet and do the dirty instead of actually talking. (but, come on, we all knew we weren't really gonna talk right?). so, we done it, and go our separate ways after that. no exchange of phone numbers or BB pins or nothing like that. i don't even remember his name because i am so drunk. i wake up next day, with a massive headache and some recollection of what happened the night before. (OK, did i mention i was drunk?). Feeling guilty about it, am i really going to confess to my partner that i cheated on him with someone whose name i don't even know? its not like am gonna see him again right? and if i confess, is he going to believe me? i wasn't thinking straight. i was under the influence of the alcohol and i can't really be blamed surely?
The next scenario is this; i go shopping and bump into this really good looking guy and we get to talking. We realise we have a lot in common and enjoy each others' company. we exchange numbers and make plans to meet up again soon. I do not tell him i have a partner and he does not tell me he has one either. We text and call each other. i am sneaky with my partner and very protective of my phone and email and IMs and everything else. I make plans to meet this other guy and we end up sleeping together. the thing is, it does not happen that one time but, goes on for a while. When my partner finally clocks on that something isn't right and confronts me, i have a choice. Confess or deny? now, confessing can lead to two things. forgiveness or not being forgiven. am i willing to lose my partner over some random guy am sleeping with or is my relationship more important than a fling that i can stop and erase all evidence of?
Now, when someone cheats, there always has to be another person there to take the blame. Honestly, we all know some women have no shame and will try and sleep with your man no matter what. and the worse thing is, they will rub it in your face. Goes for some men as well. when my man cheats on me, i am not blaming the girl so much. i mean, some girls were born hoes so, its not really their fault they will sleep with anyone right? the man however should know better shouldn't they? or the man who has got an agenda and they will sleep with any girl just to prove a point. so if this guy moves on your girl and she somehow succumbs to his charms, you are definitely not blaming the that guy right? Because, your girl should really have known better right?
In my eyes, cheating is cheating and nothing should excuse it. But saying that, i feel like a hypocrite because, if i am honest, i have done it and been forgiven and done it and been dumped. So what do i think? well....... forgiveness depends on whether it was accidental or premeditated.....
What do you really consider as cheating though? Is it the sexual act, the thought or the flirting? i for one consider all of this as cheating. I mean, if my boyfriend had a text from some girl who is telling him that she had a nice time at the club, am jumping to conclusions. maybe, he didn't do anything other than just buy her a drink but, why did he giver her his number? there must have been something there right? (my opinion). If am out with someone and some next girl is making goo goo eyes at him and he looks like he is enjoying it and smiling in her direction and looks like he is encouraging it, well then alarm bells are gonna start ringing!! If there is evidence that the guy am with actually got it on with some other chick, then definitely, i am thinking he has cheated on me!!
Honestly though, there are degrees of cheating right? and there is also always someone to blame right? and we can always forgive someone for cheating on us depending on what really happened right? (erm, really?) i have two scenarios and a paragraph about blame!
How about this. I went out to a club and got mad drunk. met this cute guy who started dancing with me and he was drunk as well. we decided to take our 'conversation' somewhere more private. in doing this, we go to the back of the club or even the toilet and do the dirty instead of actually talking. (but, come on, we all knew we weren't really gonna talk right?). so, we done it, and go our separate ways after that. no exchange of phone numbers or BB pins or nothing like that. i don't even remember his name because i am so drunk. i wake up next day, with a massive headache and some recollection of what happened the night before. (OK, did i mention i was drunk?). Feeling guilty about it, am i really going to confess to my partner that i cheated on him with someone whose name i don't even know? its not like am gonna see him again right? and if i confess, is he going to believe me? i wasn't thinking straight. i was under the influence of the alcohol and i can't really be blamed surely?
The next scenario is this; i go shopping and bump into this really good looking guy and we get to talking. We realise we have a lot in common and enjoy each others' company. we exchange numbers and make plans to meet up again soon. I do not tell him i have a partner and he does not tell me he has one either. We text and call each other. i am sneaky with my partner and very protective of my phone and email and IMs and everything else. I make plans to meet this other guy and we end up sleeping together. the thing is, it does not happen that one time but, goes on for a while. When my partner finally clocks on that something isn't right and confronts me, i have a choice. Confess or deny? now, confessing can lead to two things. forgiveness or not being forgiven. am i willing to lose my partner over some random guy am sleeping with or is my relationship more important than a fling that i can stop and erase all evidence of?
Now, when someone cheats, there always has to be another person there to take the blame. Honestly, we all know some women have no shame and will try and sleep with your man no matter what. and the worse thing is, they will rub it in your face. Goes for some men as well. when my man cheats on me, i am not blaming the girl so much. i mean, some girls were born hoes so, its not really their fault they will sleep with anyone right? the man however should know better shouldn't they? or the man who has got an agenda and they will sleep with any girl just to prove a point. so if this guy moves on your girl and she somehow succumbs to his charms, you are definitely not blaming the that guy right? Because, your girl should really have known better right?
In my eyes, cheating is cheating and nothing should excuse it. But saying that, i feel like a hypocrite because, if i am honest, i have done it and been forgiven and done it and been dumped. So what do i think? well....... forgiveness depends on whether it was accidental or premeditated.....
Wednesday 25 August 2010
PAY AS YOU GO?
Ah, so, am back with the whole relationship stuff again and am exploring a whole new concept.(purely fictional)
The pay as you go concept. i mean, we all love to be in a relationship or not. depends really on what you consider a relationship. I have had most of them though and really, when all is said and done, i believe that, as well informed as i am on some aspects of the game, i am completely naive in others.
This brings me back to the title of this blog today. Exactly what is a pay as you go relationship? i actually had this idea when i was having a chat with a good friend of mine. he wanted to know why i always say i do not want a relationship so, i told him the truth. i like the pay as you go kind. Now, don't get me wrong, i am not opposed to the whole finding someone who is meant for you and living happily ever after crap but, honestly, at this stage in my life, i couldn't really be bothered to even think about settling down with what is not meant to be so, i decided; i like men. (obviously). men are more trouble than they are worth most often than not and really, why should i give all of this to one person just so they can take the piss when they feel like it? (am not cynical i swear). Therefore, i came to understand that, in order to keep everyone happy? i am not doing the whole, am in this with you stuff. its strictly pay as you go.
Now, before you get your pants in a twist, what this means is that, i want to be with someone or some people (although, not at the same time). I just don't want to have to feel the need to be tied down to anyone. i don't have the patience to think about anything or anyone else but myself. Like i said to that really annoying guy on the phone when he asked me why i stood him up, i am just not used to thinking about other people. i love me first. i love you a bit when you are here but when you are not, i either top up or, go to a different network. (ah, pay as you go).
I want to be able to have freedom to do the things i really want to do anytime i feel like without having to answer to someone. I would really love it if i got a phone call from someone who's first question is not going to be 'where are you?' or, 'what are you doing?'. Dude, you are not my mother. i hate to have someone make me feel like they own me. therefore. here is my proposal: Let's be happy when we are happy. (that is when i see you) Don't please bug me with your jealousy and really really, do not feel the need to tell me how precious or enchanting or beautiful i am! (i have a mirror for that). See, if we signed a contract, ie, in a relationship, you will be obligated to do those but, this is a pay as you go relationship and to be honest, there has been a few people before you telling me all those things that you tell me and after a while, it gets kinda old u know?
That is all am rambling about tonight since i can't seem to get any sleep and i know am probably not making any sense at all....... *big grin on my face*
The pay as you go concept. i mean, we all love to be in a relationship or not. depends really on what you consider a relationship. I have had most of them though and really, when all is said and done, i believe that, as well informed as i am on some aspects of the game, i am completely naive in others.
This brings me back to the title of this blog today. Exactly what is a pay as you go relationship? i actually had this idea when i was having a chat with a good friend of mine. he wanted to know why i always say i do not want a relationship so, i told him the truth. i like the pay as you go kind. Now, don't get me wrong, i am not opposed to the whole finding someone who is meant for you and living happily ever after crap but, honestly, at this stage in my life, i couldn't really be bothered to even think about settling down with what is not meant to be so, i decided; i like men. (obviously). men are more trouble than they are worth most often than not and really, why should i give all of this to one person just so they can take the piss when they feel like it? (am not cynical i swear). Therefore, i came to understand that, in order to keep everyone happy? i am not doing the whole, am in this with you stuff. its strictly pay as you go.
Now, before you get your pants in a twist, what this means is that, i want to be with someone or some people (although, not at the same time). I just don't want to have to feel the need to be tied down to anyone. i don't have the patience to think about anything or anyone else but myself. Like i said to that really annoying guy on the phone when he asked me why i stood him up, i am just not used to thinking about other people. i love me first. i love you a bit when you are here but when you are not, i either top up or, go to a different network. (ah, pay as you go).
I want to be able to have freedom to do the things i really want to do anytime i feel like without having to answer to someone. I would really love it if i got a phone call from someone who's first question is not going to be 'where are you?' or, 'what are you doing?'. Dude, you are not my mother. i hate to have someone make me feel like they own me. therefore. here is my proposal: Let's be happy when we are happy. (that is when i see you) Don't please bug me with your jealousy and really really, do not feel the need to tell me how precious or enchanting or beautiful i am! (i have a mirror for that). See, if we signed a contract, ie, in a relationship, you will be obligated to do those but, this is a pay as you go relationship and to be honest, there has been a few people before you telling me all those things that you tell me and after a while, it gets kinda old u know?
That is all am rambling about tonight since i can't seem to get any sleep and i know am probably not making any sense at all....... *big grin on my face*
Thursday 29 July 2010
A NON RELATIONSHIP RELATIONSHIP?
So, i was presented with a very interesting proposition the other day which i found ridiculous. (its totally fictional by the way!!)
This person that i have liked for a while now and actually enjoy spending time with came up with this idea he thought will be perfect since i am dead set against having a relationship with anyone at all for the foreseeable future.
so, why don't you wanna be with me? do you not like me?
i like you a lot you know that. its just that, i find that relationships suck and i don't really wanna go down that road again if you know what i mean
but i really like you and want to be with you he said.
i know that babe, but you have to try and understand me. i like you top and i enjoy spending time with you but as i said, i am not ready i said.
maybe, you don't like me that much because if you did, nothing will stop you he replied.
its not like that. you know what it is. i just don't think am capable of what you want now and i do not want to hurt you in any way. that was me.
OK. i get what you are saying, but my point is, you cannot give up something without giving it a chance first he said.
OK, so by now, am losing patience a bit because, am not likely to change my mind. I knew i had to find a way to come to a compromise so i said to him, i still wanna see you though. i mean, when am around you, am happy.
i do not want to be your link he says.
i never said i wanted you to be my link i say back.
So, what you are saying is, we should continue to see each other but not have a relationship?
Yes i replied! finally seeing it my way i thought.
That's not good enough for me he said. i want more than that. i don't wanna be the guy you call when you feel like there is nothing else for you to do on a random day and call to come fuck!!! he was shouting at me now.
i tried to be calm as i replied. it really won't be like that babe, you won't be my link. we can still do stuff together, i said lamely.
He scowled at me adoringly and said slowly; OK, let me get it straight. you want to spend time with me right?
Yes, i replied.
You want to go out and do stuff like movies and dinners and ice skating and stuff right? he asked me.
I don't know about the skating bit but, yeah, we can do all the other stuff that you just said, i replied.
OK, he said, drawing in a deep breath, he came out and said this to me; so, basically. what you want is for us to be together without being together? Like, a relationship that is not really a relationship?
OK HOLD ON!! this is me shouting... now am confused. that is not possible is it? it'll just be like linking though won't it? i asked uncertainly.
Well, it will not be exactly like linking because we will be doing all the normal stuff as opposed to just jumping each others bones right he asked me back!
Well, i suppose you are right if you put it that way, i agreed. but really, you won't be my link or my boyfriend so, what else is there? I wondered out loud.
A relationship without a relationship, he said laughing and putting his arms around my waist, pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head.
Ew, i said, can you please not say that out loud?
He just laughed again and said; remember this was your idea beautiful. so, what would you call it? he asked curious.
Well....i drawled. i suppose we could say that we are seeing each other i guess. but, its not a no strings attached thing in any way so, do not even think about giving me any crap when i find you being friendly with some next chick. i huffed smiling angelically at him.
He looked at me for a few seconds before he burst out laughing again.
Why are you laughing at me? i asked looking a little pissed.
Am not laughing at you he said. i just think you should make up your mind on what you really want and tell me when you have babe.
Fine! i replied. This is what i want. i want to do all the things that you mentioned (except ice skating) but i do not want to be called your girlfriend. does that make sense to you? i asked
He was trying not to laugh i could tell. but he said; OK. we can do that. only because you are crazy confused and totally irresistible!!
Hahahaha, i laughed throwing my arms around him and pulling his face to mine to give him a long lingering kiss full of promises....
When we could breath again, he spoke softly and said; we'll have a none relationship relationship babe, if that is what you want.
EW!! I exclaimed. i said, do not say that out loud i punched him lightly in the chest.
HE just laughed, pulled me into his arms for a hug and said; what ever you say beautiful confused girl...........
This person that i have liked for a while now and actually enjoy spending time with came up with this idea he thought will be perfect since i am dead set against having a relationship with anyone at all for the foreseeable future.
so, why don't you wanna be with me? do you not like me?
i like you a lot you know that. its just that, i find that relationships suck and i don't really wanna go down that road again if you know what i mean
but i really like you and want to be with you he said.
i know that babe, but you have to try and understand me. i like you top and i enjoy spending time with you but as i said, i am not ready i said.
maybe, you don't like me that much because if you did, nothing will stop you he replied.
its not like that. you know what it is. i just don't think am capable of what you want now and i do not want to hurt you in any way. that was me.
OK. i get what you are saying, but my point is, you cannot give up something without giving it a chance first he said.
OK, so by now, am losing patience a bit because, am not likely to change my mind. I knew i had to find a way to come to a compromise so i said to him, i still wanna see you though. i mean, when am around you, am happy.
i do not want to be your link he says.
i never said i wanted you to be my link i say back.
So, what you are saying is, we should continue to see each other but not have a relationship?
Yes i replied! finally seeing it my way i thought.
That's not good enough for me he said. i want more than that. i don't wanna be the guy you call when you feel like there is nothing else for you to do on a random day and call to come fuck!!! he was shouting at me now.
i tried to be calm as i replied. it really won't be like that babe, you won't be my link. we can still do stuff together, i said lamely.
He scowled at me adoringly and said slowly; OK, let me get it straight. you want to spend time with me right?
Yes, i replied.
You want to go out and do stuff like movies and dinners and ice skating and stuff right? he asked me.
I don't know about the skating bit but, yeah, we can do all the other stuff that you just said, i replied.
OK, he said, drawing in a deep breath, he came out and said this to me; so, basically. what you want is for us to be together without being together? Like, a relationship that is not really a relationship?
OK HOLD ON!! this is me shouting... now am confused. that is not possible is it? it'll just be like linking though won't it? i asked uncertainly.
Well, it will not be exactly like linking because we will be doing all the normal stuff as opposed to just jumping each others bones right he asked me back!
Well, i suppose you are right if you put it that way, i agreed. but really, you won't be my link or my boyfriend so, what else is there? I wondered out loud.
A relationship without a relationship, he said laughing and putting his arms around my waist, pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head.
Ew, i said, can you please not say that out loud?
He just laughed again and said; remember this was your idea beautiful. so, what would you call it? he asked curious.
Well....i drawled. i suppose we could say that we are seeing each other i guess. but, its not a no strings attached thing in any way so, do not even think about giving me any crap when i find you being friendly with some next chick. i huffed smiling angelically at him.
He looked at me for a few seconds before he burst out laughing again.
Why are you laughing at me? i asked looking a little pissed.
Am not laughing at you he said. i just think you should make up your mind on what you really want and tell me when you have babe.
Fine! i replied. This is what i want. i want to do all the things that you mentioned (except ice skating) but i do not want to be called your girlfriend. does that make sense to you? i asked
He was trying not to laugh i could tell. but he said; OK. we can do that. only because you are crazy confused and totally irresistible!!
Hahahaha, i laughed throwing my arms around him and pulling his face to mine to give him a long lingering kiss full of promises....
When we could breath again, he spoke softly and said; we'll have a none relationship relationship babe, if that is what you want.
EW!! I exclaimed. i said, do not say that out loud i punched him lightly in the chest.
HE just laughed, pulled me into his arms for a hug and said; what ever you say beautiful confused girl...........
Saturday 24 July 2010
FEMINISM?? I THINK NOT!!
Most of the time, some of my girlfriends tell me i think like a man when i air my views about relationships. I think its mostly to do with my easy acceptance of how things are instead of dwelling on how people think it should be and if i can help it, i will not try to change a situation that is not within my control.
I suppose you could call it cowardice but recently, someone asked me an interesting question. He was wondering if i was a feminist and that got me thinking. I know my views are strong about certain things but i wouldn't go that far. As far as am concerned, there are certain things women should not have to do in relationships. The most important is not to think of a man as your husband if he hasn't put a ring on your finger. ( i don't really care what he has told you in secret)!!or whatever. that is just setting your self up for disappointment (but hey, don't listen to me, am the last person to give relationship advise seeing as i suck so much at them!!)
I don't think a woman should have to be able to do certain things like cook for her to be marriageable!! i mean, come on!! isn't that kind of hypocritical? if a man wants an independent woman who can do her own stuff and help look after the family, he shouldn't expect to get a bloody Stepford wife!!!!
But back to my point, enough of my ramblings, i do believe that men and women are equal in every way.especially in this modern world we live in. I mean , sure, tradition is good too but.... but, i will not stand for certain things that most people concern themselves with these days. I know some people will probably dislike me a little or a lot for my views but really, am a writer and to be honest, the whole what people think of me matters notion is completely lost on me. (look at me rambling again!!) anyway, as i was saying, i expect to have links, yes as many as i want and at any time that i want. what, should i just sit in my house and wait for Mr right? I don't think so! i have needs for crying out loud and they cannot wait for Mr right!
When i do get in a relationship with someone, i do not expect him to expect certain things from me or vise versa. for example, i do not expect every guy i date to marry me or have that on his mind! can you imagine how tedious my life will be? how many broken hearts? jeez, one is enough!! To be perfectly honest, when it comes to marriage, i DO think like a man. why spoil a good thing? that is my motto. do you know how many marriages end in divorce these days? not to mention cheating husbands. Look at it this way, if we ain't married and you cheat or i cheat, we can both walk away from it with no legalities involved, thank you very much!. My second point is, a woman should not have to be able to know how to cook or clean your house or be nice to you friends or kiss your holy ass for her to be marriageable. The only logical reason to wanna marry someone should be an equal amount of love and stupidity!! I really hate it when men go on about girls they are seeing who cannot cook. blud, if you want a cook, go marry auntie Bessie or something you get me? My aunt used to tell me my husband will put my soup in a bottle and post it to my mum someday because, i did not know how to cook when i was young! (yeah, laugh out loud)
As far as am concerned, relationships, whether serious or not should be equal. after all, what's good for me is good for you but, what do i know eh? i am a 20something who is single and happy to have men doing stuff for me and having no intention of marrying anyone anytime soon!
I suppose you could call it cowardice but recently, someone asked me an interesting question. He was wondering if i was a feminist and that got me thinking. I know my views are strong about certain things but i wouldn't go that far. As far as am concerned, there are certain things women should not have to do in relationships. The most important is not to think of a man as your husband if he hasn't put a ring on your finger. ( i don't really care what he has told you in secret)!!or whatever. that is just setting your self up for disappointment (but hey, don't listen to me, am the last person to give relationship advise seeing as i suck so much at them!!)
I don't think a woman should have to be able to do certain things like cook for her to be marriageable!! i mean, come on!! isn't that kind of hypocritical? if a man wants an independent woman who can do her own stuff and help look after the family, he shouldn't expect to get a bloody Stepford wife!!!!
But back to my point, enough of my ramblings, i do believe that men and women are equal in every way.especially in this modern world we live in. I mean , sure, tradition is good too but.... but, i will not stand for certain things that most people concern themselves with these days. I know some people will probably dislike me a little or a lot for my views but really, am a writer and to be honest, the whole what people think of me matters notion is completely lost on me. (look at me rambling again!!) anyway, as i was saying, i expect to have links, yes as many as i want and at any time that i want. what, should i just sit in my house and wait for Mr right? I don't think so! i have needs for crying out loud and they cannot wait for Mr right!
When i do get in a relationship with someone, i do not expect him to expect certain things from me or vise versa. for example, i do not expect every guy i date to marry me or have that on his mind! can you imagine how tedious my life will be? how many broken hearts? jeez, one is enough!! To be perfectly honest, when it comes to marriage, i DO think like a man. why spoil a good thing? that is my motto. do you know how many marriages end in divorce these days? not to mention cheating husbands. Look at it this way, if we ain't married and you cheat or i cheat, we can both walk away from it with no legalities involved, thank you very much!. My second point is, a woman should not have to be able to know how to cook or clean your house or be nice to you friends or kiss your holy ass for her to be marriageable. The only logical reason to wanna marry someone should be an equal amount of love and stupidity!! I really hate it when men go on about girls they are seeing who cannot cook. blud, if you want a cook, go marry auntie Bessie or something you get me? My aunt used to tell me my husband will put my soup in a bottle and post it to my mum someday because, i did not know how to cook when i was young! (yeah, laugh out loud)
As far as am concerned, relationships, whether serious or not should be equal. after all, what's good for me is good for you but, what do i know eh? i am a 20something who is single and happy to have men doing stuff for me and having no intention of marrying anyone anytime soon!
Tuesday 20 July 2010
Money Or Looks????
this is a topic that has always been important to me and i know most people wonder about this as well. i am a very materialistic woman... (don't get me wrong, let me explain first)
i mean, i look good, no doubt about that!! i place a lot of stock in how a person looks and carries themselves. at the same time, i love MONEY!! i mean, who doesn't? look at how people wake up early in the morning, in winter and travel great distances just to make some money. when it comes to relationships though, there is a conflict. the thing is, i am not waking up everyday at 6:30 the morning to go to work only to end up with a broke man. at the same time, i am not going to be with someone just because of what is in his wallet or credit card... even though that helps. you see the conflict here?
the worst bit though, is when we mix looks with money. i mean, i know a lot of women who do not mind what a man looks like as long as they are paying up.(the classic gold digger). there is also the type of woman who will mix the the two. (date a man who has both looks and money) and the last one is the one or the other kinda gal!! i wonder what category you will place yourself in.
as far as i am concerned, i am a bit of the second and third one. definitely not the first. i mean, i do not care how much money you have, if you look like SHAKA ZULU, its a deal breaker for me! as much as i don't like broke men, i will not go out with someone i will not feel proud walking next to.
if it comes down to it, i will most likely go with the good looking 20 something year old who is starting out in life just like me than be with the 30something with the flashy cars and platinum credit cards who's only dream is to spoil me rotten but looks like errr.... someone not so good looking!. so what if the guy i want because of the looks is broke, arrogant and everything my mum warned me against? my only concern at that point will be how good he will look walking next to me, how many heads will turn to watch us when we walk past as opposed to the other one. i mean sure, people will look at his flashy car and go like wow!! but then as soon as we get out of the car, the first thing in everyone's head will be like 'you know she is with him for the money'!!! i know that is how i will think so, i will not be a hypocrite and pretend others will think good thoughts.
my ideal man though will have to have both. especially the looks. i always lean more towards the looks. call me crazy, i mean money is good. (the best things in life are expensive. just go into selfridges!!) but at the same time, i want to look good with my expensive shopping bags and the good looking man who paid for the stuff in the bags... see, i told you i was materialistic!!!
i mean, i look good, no doubt about that!! i place a lot of stock in how a person looks and carries themselves. at the same time, i love MONEY!! i mean, who doesn't? look at how people wake up early in the morning, in winter and travel great distances just to make some money. when it comes to relationships though, there is a conflict. the thing is, i am not waking up everyday at 6:30 the morning to go to work only to end up with a broke man. at the same time, i am not going to be with someone just because of what is in his wallet or credit card... even though that helps. you see the conflict here?
the worst bit though, is when we mix looks with money. i mean, i know a lot of women who do not mind what a man looks like as long as they are paying up.(the classic gold digger). there is also the type of woman who will mix the the two. (date a man who has both looks and money) and the last one is the one or the other kinda gal!! i wonder what category you will place yourself in.
as far as i am concerned, i am a bit of the second and third one. definitely not the first. i mean, i do not care how much money you have, if you look like SHAKA ZULU, its a deal breaker for me! as much as i don't like broke men, i will not go out with someone i will not feel proud walking next to.
if it comes down to it, i will most likely go with the good looking 20 something year old who is starting out in life just like me than be with the 30something with the flashy cars and platinum credit cards who's only dream is to spoil me rotten but looks like errr.... someone not so good looking!. so what if the guy i want because of the looks is broke, arrogant and everything my mum warned me against? my only concern at that point will be how good he will look walking next to me, how many heads will turn to watch us when we walk past as opposed to the other one. i mean sure, people will look at his flashy car and go like wow!! but then as soon as we get out of the car, the first thing in everyone's head will be like 'you know she is with him for the money'!!! i know that is how i will think so, i will not be a hypocrite and pretend others will think good thoughts.
my ideal man though will have to have both. especially the looks. i always lean more towards the looks. call me crazy, i mean money is good. (the best things in life are expensive. just go into selfridges!!) but at the same time, i want to look good with my expensive shopping bags and the good looking man who paid for the stuff in the bags... see, i told you i was materialistic!!!
Wednesday 14 July 2010
the twilight saga
one of the many things i love in life is the twilight books. i have read my books so many times and watched the movies so much that, i could probably recite from memory (not so sure tho!) anyway, so, i had really high expectations for Eclipse. it was meant to be the best in the series but.... i was disappointed! first of, what is with K-STEW's wig? they couldn't get extensions? i mean, as a black woman, i know its not that hard to get extensions. i do it all the time. it was wrong wrong wrong!! i am not a big fan of RPATZ. i don't see what the fuss is all about but, he was not bad in the movie .( except they made Edward look like a complete wimp with Bella getting on Jake's bike right in front of him and driving off) come on!!! i doubt that happens in real life! unless you want to be dumped. Taylor Lutner is a bad actor!! i don't care if he has a divine body! he sucked in the movie!! the writer got so many things wrong, the pace of the movie was so fast i was almost dizzy by the end of it!. they did get a few things right though. like the fight scene and the tent(even though that could have been better) i did not understand why Bella came across like she didn't care much for Alice in the movie. i know they are BFFs right from new moon through to breaking dawn!. and as for Jasper being in high school with them when he is supposed to be Rosalie's twin and therefore a senior, i am not going to touch on it! i dont know what MR was thinking changing that fact! i hated Bella's speech at the end come on! the only reason she wanted to be a 'bloodsucker' was so she could spend forever with her true love and then she goes on to say this is not about you? ' what was that all about????' anyway, i could go on and on and on but in the end, the movie was actually witty and i loved the back stories as well as the newborns even though they got the Bree Tanner scene all wrong!. i am a twi-hard and will always be, i just hope they do a better job with Breaking Dawn. they owe it to us the faithful fans to get it exactly right this time!
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